Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You"

This song had tortured more unfortunate souls who are working in retail for many years moreso than any black metal band or Satan himself?

They repeat it on and on and on until you feel your spirit getting crushed that you'd be hoping to hear a Nickelback or a Justin Beiber song in between. Now, December is approaching and may God have mercy on mankind.

It's certainly way overplayed, but I don't mind it. There are dozens of worse songs that assault everyone's ears throughout the season. But I prefer Kelly Clarkson's "Underneath the Tree", which is almost a rewrite of it and a much better song to me.

There's this deathcore band called Chelsea Grin, and I absolutely despise them.

I need some help here, which is more dogshit in terms of vocals?

I work part time at a grocery store. I dread the day they start playing Christmas music.

Christmas music is like “the star spangled banner.” Out of social context, inoffensive, mediocre music.

But when someone, anyone, doesn’t matter who, tries to make “their version,” of it, it’s always bad.

I dislike Christmas music. This may be bias, because I’ve heard it too much. But I can’t take it. Some of the more old school songs, are supposed to be about pre-modern drunken fun and fuckery, which I can respect, but they don’t play those, on the speakers in stores. It’s just stuff that 1950s suburbanites would’ve liked, or some cringey crap, like “pentatonix.”

Also, I stopped being Christian years ago. Why are they assaulting my ears, with this drivel, about salvation? Can’t they just play some good, clean, sex songs?

Edit: In other news, the psycho sexual five devil’s finger up your ass band just released nine albums, on the same day. Those of you who’re in bands, and waiting in line, to get your vinyls made, that was what was ahead of you.

Unless you were working on that for years, there's no way 9 albums released at once would be good

So prepare your ears, the time of the year is coming...

I'm not against Christmas music, I just prefer to not hear it until at least December 1st. The Darlene Love song Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home) is the banger of a lifetime.

Compared to Korn's other material, the new song is shit.


For comparison, here's a single from their last album:

Pay attention throughout for the various rendering errors that I really, really hope were not intentional editing choices. Also, Mike LePond from Symphony X plays bass in this trainwreck.

Definitely intentional editing choices. The video is undeniably cringe inducing though.

Oh shit…I’m feeling hungover today. And seeing that, it makes me think that, maybe, drinking whiskey isn’t that great after all.

Ted Nugent released a new single a few days ago. I;m a huge fan of his 70s and 80s material -- especially the early albums with Derek St John and Meatloaf on vocals. But when Ted himself sings, things fall apart faster than you can say "own the libs".

Well, sadly, Uncle Ted "sings" on this new song. But he couples his dreadful vocals with some sort of embarrassing Uber-patriotism (whereby he's literally taking it in the rear for whatever pablum the American rightwing media machine is spewing today). It's bad, it's very bad.

At this point, the once great Unce Ted seems to have slid into the "self parody" phase of his career.

Judge for yourself:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO74BGKIrSc&t=9s

2.5 minute song and I already feel I've heard that chant 6 times more than I can tolerate in a lifetime. Move over Eminem's White America, we have a new song to play in Guantanamo Bay!

I always love the argument that people love their country so much that they're willing to plunge it into civil war if anyone tries to take their deadly toys. For the record, I'm against gun confiscation for anyone not named Ted Nugent.

My favorite part of the whole "FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!" mentality and all the nonsense that goes with it is that would not you think the government would have already taken everyone's guns by this point if that's what they really wanted to do? The US government has shown countless times that they will fucking merc anyone that they want to with complete impunity and no real resistance, so why haven't they taken guns away from the people yet if that's truly what their goal is?

That "Gucci Gang" is pretty sh*t.

That chorus is beyond generic- it reminds me of an 80's era Bullet Boys (glam/hard rock) song which had an almost identical chorus, as well as that Billy Squier masterbation song from roughly the same time period. (you know which one I mean.)

"Yeah, don't take muh gunz away or muh freedumz..."

When he plays live now, does he still play “jail bait,” and “wang dang, what a sweet poontang?” Does his audience think that being against the lyrics of “jail bait,” is “political correctness gone too far?” Didn’t he adopt a 17 year old, then marry her, once she turned 18?

she's back!

Ah yes....the miracles of modern AutoTune. Where ANYBODY can be a singer, only prerequisite is you have to be a somewhat attractive female- no actual talent required; just sing however you want and thanks to modern AutoTune techology, you will become an instant millionaire pop star.

I wish old metal dudes had a similiar ticket to instant stardom...

You have to be able to hold a note at least semi-competently for autotune to be of any use. If you're terrible at singing like her, autotune won't do a thing. Most modern pop songs you know that sound at least decent to the ears probably have some sort of auto-tuning going on, but you don't notice it because it's used to smooth out small irregularities instead of trying to force completely off-key trash into something nice sounding. Autotune is not an instant star maker.

And in a lot of modern music where the autotune is super apparent, it's a stylistic choice - think of mumble rap.

The most offensively bad thing, about Sarah Brand’s music, is her bad lyrics. “Red dress” could’ve just been a funny, bad joke song, if not for phrases like “didn’t stew well with me,” when “stew” should be “sit.” I don’t know if Sarah Brand speaks any other languages, but there is almost no chance that English isn’t her first language, and she doesn’t seem to be special education. This makes me think that she’s never read poetry, or books.

Trying to make some kind social commentary requires being articulate. It’s just shocking, how inarticulate she is, despite being so educated. And using “rap 101” vocals, with no flow, just makes it even worse.

It doesn't matter how many times you explain Sarah Brand's Oxford sociology thesis project, people will still keep posting her social experiments and take victory laps about how they've identified that something that was meticulously designed to be terrible to everyone from her professors all the way down to a Georgian manure farmer was, indeed, terrible.


Not at all, it just requires you to respond to it broadly in the way it was intended.

Listen to modern Dream Theater and In Flames' studio recordings, then listen to their modern live shows. You might just have that illusion shattered.

It's staggering what pitch correction can do to the human voice.

That could just mean they're terrible live singers but can still deliver in a studio setting with hundreds of potential re-takes.

That may be true, and I don't doubt that their engineers go through a ton of headaches to squeeze a tune out of them. But I've experimented quite a bit with pitch correction software on my own time and, provided that you at least sang some kind of note, it's possible to sculpt performances that would have been completely unacceptable 40 years ago into something that is quite tolerable.

Holy shit:


This was borderline catchy on the album. That's some of the worst singing I've ever heard.

Battles has a lot of surprisingly catchy choruses. Now if only the guy behind the mic could actually sing them.

I can’t react to it, because I don’t understand what she’s advocating. To me, it seems very insincere, or a parody. Since you seem to have information I don’t, can you explain to me, what is her sociology thesis? What is the meaning, behind the intentionally bad music? I’m interested, and would like to know.

Probably WAP by C#### # or Ready For It by Taylor Swift. Not because I hate pop, those songs just genuinely make me angry.

I don't seek out WAP ever, but when I do, I don't mind it - I usually just get a chuckle out of it. It's a stupid, fun song with some very funny sexual puns. Ready For It, though... not so much.

I actually genuinely enjoy some of Taylor's music as harmless Pop songs, but why the fuck did she think she could rap?

You're thinking of Shake It Off. If I recall correctly, Ready For It doesn't have a rapped verse. Shake It Off, however, does, and it's one of the most horrifyingly cringe-worthy things I have ever heard. 1989 and Reputation are really bad albums, especially for coming after Red, which was a surprisingly diverse and well-written pop rock record with some country influence here and there.

Nah, it does: https://youtu.be/wIft-t-MQuE

*shudder*

It does have a heavy emphasis on trap beats and typical modern hip hop vocal rhythms, but none of it is really rapping.

Why did you censor the word "Cardi B"? Not a fan of her either, but I'm not gonna go out of my way to censor her name.

How about worst songs you've never heard? I have a morbid curiosity to hear Animae Capronii's cover versions of Marraskuu by Miljoonasade, Vuorien taa by Indica (both Finnish pop-rock bands) and The Carpenter by Nightwish, all three found on AC's album "Red Shot One, No Two, Three, Four, Thousands!" (what the fuck does that even mean?). My curiosity is not morbid enough to go scouring for torrents, though. If someone has those lying around, do a service for the culture of mankind and post them to YouTube, please!

As the one guy that reviewed that album, I can assure you that there's no reason to ever listen to them or anything Animae Capronii ever did. Just about everything that guy made was horrible.

Well whatever you call it, all that matters is that it's horrible.

Oh, trust me, there's worse out there. Take a look at any number of one man slam and porngrind projects.